Is He enough?

I have always wondered why God would place the desire in my heart so strong to have children and then not let me have them naturally. Anyone else struggle with something like that?

I am just realizing that the desire to have children has been stronger than my desire for a relationship with Him. That is where I have been going wrong. God wants us to have the desires of our hearts but not at the expense of loving Him. What good is it for Him to spoil us? We see with our own eyes what it does to our children - they become ungrateful, selfish, self centered little terrors. Why would I think that just because I want children that He would just give them to me? Selfishness. I have turned into that spoiled, selfish brat that I tried not to raise myself!

My last post was a bit of venting but really it was just me throwing a tantrum. I was reminded last night by my dear friend that it is NOT in my timing but His. We do not know what His plans are for us but He isn't surprised by any of it.

I have been feeling the doors closing all around us about this adoption. I just felt like we were pushing something through that we wanted and not really taking the time to see what He wanted. I have all but given up hope of adding to our family. Some days I am ok and then others it just brings me to tears. I know it won't happen again like it did the first time - that was a miracle. I just know that there are so many children right here in this country that need homes. They need mommies and daddies that wont hurt them. They need love.

Today we got another call from the social worker. This time it was for a potential placement. Right now I am just praying that the right family be found for this little boy. It may not end up being us and that is ok as long as he gets a forever family - soon. Everyday that passes is another that he is an orphan and that breaks my heart more than anything. So if you are reading this just stop and pray right now that this little boy will get his forever family soon.

Right now I am working on making God enough because I know without Him nothing is possible.